September 11

I remember it so vividly. Cade was 13 1/2 months old. I had just gotten out of bed to make his oatmeal and I hadn't even had my coffee yet. Sesame Street was on the tv when my mom called adn frantically asked if I was watching the news, to turn it there now. My sleep fogged brain was still trying to sort out what I was hearing when I saw the other plane crashing and my mom started screaming "Oh my God!" simultaneously. Matt Lauer said something about it being a small plane and I immediately said no, it was a jet. I ran to the back of the house and yanked Bryant out of the shower and he came running into the living room in a towel. I did manage to feed Cade his oatmeal, but i dragged a chair and his highchair into the living room to watch the tv. I had a playgroup that day, the first one, and I didn't want Cade to miss it, so we went shortly after. I was soo shocked that none of the other moms had even heard what was going on. We turned on the tv for a few minutes, then turned it off to concentrate on our kids - on happy things. When I got home, Bryant soberly told me the towers had collapsed. Gone. Just like that. I don't think we turned off the tv for a week just trying to absorb what had happened. For the longest time after that, I would go into Cade's room at night while he was sleeping and pick him up and sit in the rocking chair and smell his sweet head and think, "what kind of world have I brought my child into?" But you know what? It didn't stop us, those terrorists didn't succeed because we are living, doing, going about our business. Yeah, when I see a plane, I think "what if" but I'm NOT living in fear. I'm NOT letting them win. Nope. I'm NOT.

People are not nice

So I watched the MTV Video Music Awards in a small attempt to stay somewhat current and hip. Yes, I'm going to talk about Britney. That poor girl. Her eyes were just dead. She looked trapped. She has nothing left to give. If she doesn't change her life (she needs Jesus in a bad way), she never will. But what disturbs me the most is the way the media GLEEFULLY displays her failure. People were just waiting for her to mess up, to do something, ANYTHING wrong so they could jump on it like a bunch of hungry rats. And Sarah Silverman - disgusting. She needed to be slapped. Kicking someone while they are down is cowardly. Make fun of someone, but leave their babies out of it. Classless.

Just because...

Look at that beautiful face (even with spaghetti sauce around his mouth).

I'm in big trouble

That? Is the face of pure D naughtiness and the joy at having gotten away with it. Lord have mercy.

Mistake # 248759

You know, I really thought that Tanner would miss his brothers when they went to school. Boy, was I wrong! He is in hog heaven, I swear! Nobody to take his toys away, nobody to knock him down, he can play and go as he pleases, and best of all, Mommy's undivided attention (for the most part - gotta get some computer time in there, too). On one hand, I think it's kind of sad. I was ready for him to be lonely so I could step up (yes, I'm a bad mom for hoping that I would have to provide lots of hugs and kisses and soothing). Nope. He is as happy as a freaking clam. Right now he is running the bubble mower that belongs to Tristan through the house at the speed of sound, pausing occasionally to grin at me in delight. However, I am SO glad that he is good at entertaining himself and is, in general, a happy kid. Moral of the story, I was wrong - again. But don't tell my kids. They think I am right all the time - probably because I tell them I am never, ever wrong.

Two things...

Two things - I realized late last night that the Ode to Daddy...sucked. I can do better, and he deserves so much better. But I'm not doing it right now. I've had a long day with the kids, it has rained, and my nose is running off my face. So, when the time is right, he will get a proper, deserving Ode.

The other thing - peanut allergy. Tanner is allergic to peanuts. Occasionally I freak out about it, wonder how in the world I can protect him literally his whole life, etc. Today I was reading of of the websites that I go to regularly for updates and info, and it increased my anxiety about tenfold. How am I going to protect this child when he isn't WITH me? When he's offered cookies at school? When he is in his "indestructible" phase as a young adult? As a college kid who carelessly puts something in his mouth at a party while he's been drinking? (Come on, you know college kids are going to drink and don't think otherwise, no matter how much you don't want them to do it, they are - A LOT.) And if he HAS been drinking, will he know how to locate his epipen? I could drive myself crazy with worry, but all I can do is try to educate him as best as I can and PRAY that he keeps himself safe. However, how can I educate him when I can't even get my own family to get on board with me? My mom ois forever telling me that it isn't fair to deprive the other two from pb&j, certain foods, etc. Plus, my nephew is also PA but has never had a blood test so they dont' know what level he is. "Well he ate such and such and didn't have a reaction, so I dont' see the problem with giving it to Tanner." Just tonight, I had a replay of that conversation for the hundredth time. Then there's BDM (Big Daddy Meow). He was at the store tonight getting stuff for his time out of town. He said, "Hmmm peanuts. Those sound good"
My reply "Ummm WHAT??"
BDM "What's the problem?"
Me "HELLO! Tanner? Him? What if you touch something and get peanut fragments all over it? What if you leave the jar in your stuff and Tanner or one of the others get into it? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?"
(I'm certain he's thinking that I have gone over the edge right about now)
BDM "OK! I won't get peanuts! Geez!"
A few minutes later, he was on the cereal aisle. "Honey-nut cheerios sound good"
Replay the same scenario we just went through (Honey nut cheerios are not nut free)
Moral of the story - no matter where one of us is, out of town, here, on vacation, whatever, we all have to live a peanut free lifestyle so that it becomes natural. My kids know this - they ask me "is this peanut free?" whenever we buy stuff at the grocery store, and the phrase, "that's not peanut free" is a deal breaker for them, no fuss, no nothing about not getting a certain type of cookie, bread, chip, cake, brownie, ice cream, cereal, whatever. Just gotta get my husband to that level of thinking...

Ode to Daddy

Thank GOD Cade is feeling better. His tummy is still sensitive, but he is able to eat popsicles and toast. I laid around yesterday all day long feeling pretty ick myself and made BDM handle everything. He was NOT happy. However, being the great dad that he is, he dealt with Tanner's screaming, Tristan's all around naughtiness, and Cade's frequent trips to the bathroom with a minimum of yelling and only a couple of pleadings of "I need a little help here". I only felt mildly guilty every now and again when he was besieged by "Daddy I NEED!" "Daddy I WANT" "Daddy HELP ME". However, again, he did quite a good job and I knew that I was handing over my kids to very capable, loving hands. (Nevermind the huge mess I had to clean up today - it was totally worth it).