September 11

I remember it so vividly. Cade was 13 1/2 months old. I had just gotten out of bed to make his oatmeal and I hadn't even had my coffee yet. Sesame Street was on the tv when my mom called adn frantically asked if I was watching the news, to turn it there now. My sleep fogged brain was still trying to sort out what I was hearing when I saw the other plane crashing and my mom started screaming "Oh my God!" simultaneously. Matt Lauer said something about it being a small plane and I immediately said no, it was a jet. I ran to the back of the house and yanked Bryant out of the shower and he came running into the living room in a towel. I did manage to feed Cade his oatmeal, but i dragged a chair and his highchair into the living room to watch the tv. I had a playgroup that day, the first one, and I didn't want Cade to miss it, so we went shortly after. I was soo shocked that none of the other moms had even heard what was going on. We turned on the tv for a few minutes, then turned it off to concentrate on our kids - on happy things. When I got home, Bryant soberly told me the towers had collapsed. Gone. Just like that. I don't think we turned off the tv for a week just trying to absorb what had happened. For the longest time after that, I would go into Cade's room at night while he was sleeping and pick him up and sit in the rocking chair and smell his sweet head and think, "what kind of world have I brought my child into?" But you know what? It didn't stop us, those terrorists didn't succeed because we are living, doing, going about our business. Yeah, when I see a plane, I think "what if" but I'm NOT living in fear. I'm NOT letting them win. Nope. I'm NOT.